


begging the depths

by evaneddie



Series: dhylen writes one shots [16]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, i literally only write buddie, im not even sorry, talk of nightmares, talk of ptsd symptoms from the tsunami
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-07 20:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20981870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evaneddie/pseuds/evaneddie
Summary: eddie calls buck to help him with christopher having nightmares, but it doesn't go the way it was planned.





	begging the depths

**Author's Note:**

> prompt from anonymous on tumblr:
> 
> hi! are u still taking prompts? if so, y'know next ep how it says eddies helping chris through his trauma? could u please maybe write something where he rings buck bc it was a shared experience/trauma for them and he thinks buck might be able to help but buck refuses at first and initially eddies a little angry until buck explains that he can't help chris bc he cant even help himself? hes been having nightmares on repeat & he cant even get in the shower/splash his face w water w/out panicking?
> 
> i am always taking prompts, thank you for yours. i hope you enjoy!

They hadn't spoken in over twenty-four hours, which was an all time record considering they usually at least text off and on all day. Usually about pointless crap, sometimes about the weather, or what series Buck had been currently binge watching. Either way, Eddie didn't mind. Not until yesterday, anyways. He'd called Buck, in the hope that he might like to come over and talk to Christopher.

The poor kid had been through so much lately, what with the tsunami and losing his mother not long before that. Eddie had been doing everything he could to help his son, being there for him, comforting him after he awakens from nightmares, helping him through the trauma of everything. How can the world be so cruel? Christopher had already experienced his fair share of the bad shit life can throw at you, and for him to lose his mother, and then get stuck in walls of water and getting separated from his Buck, it was all so unfair. Eddie had made sure Chris and Buck had been spending quality time together, so they could help one another through their personal and shared challenges. But now he's angry with Buck.

Angry because he simply declined helping Christopher, without a second thought. Just said no. Surely he has his reasons. But, damn it, he now won't even pick up the phone. It's half past nine, and the sky is dark outside his window. There's no hint of a star in sight, presumably hidden by some clouds. It had been overcast all day, so it came as no surprise that he couldn't marvel at the twinkling lights. That could hep ground him sometimes, through frustration and whatnot. Looking up and seeing stars somehow lets him know that he's alive and that he's not alone.

Holding Christopher's now finally resting form, Eddie stands from his seat at the cushioned window bench. One last time he tries Buck's number, he tries to get a hold of his best friend. It rings out, going to his message bank. Eddie doesn't leave one. He sighs and shoves his phone into the back pocket of his sweatpants, before grabbing his keys and driving to Buck's apartment.

He needs to know. He needs to know why Buck is not only letting himself down, but also Christopher. Worrying not about how it makes him feel, but the other man in question, really goes to show Eddie how much he cares for the one Evan Buckley. Even with Shannon, he'd never felt these feelings before. He'd never felt anything remotely how anything to do with Buck makes him feel. It's all dumb, but it's the truth. And Eddie is not one to ignore the truth.

Knocking on the door would be pointless if Buck is asleep, so he doesn't. The key given to him in case of emergencies still sits heavily on his keyring, standing out with its brass colour like a sore thumb. Using it, while holding Christopher carefully in his other arm, Eddie quietly opens the door and clicks the latch locked behind him. It's dark and eerily quiet, sort of in a way that makes him a little uneasy. Buck snores ever so slightly, and not even that can be heard.

Placing his son gently on the couch while pulling over the blanket from the backrest, Eddie kisses the boy on his forehead and makes his way upstairs, to the loft, where Buck's made a nice bedroom out of it. It isn't much, kind of simplistic and almost minimalistic, but it's nice. It's Buck.

"Buck?" he quietly calls from the top of the stairs, announcing his arrival softly as to not spook him, just in case he hadn't heard the door open.

Apparently he didn't, because he gasps slightly before speaking. "Eddie? What the hell?"

Eddie moves forward, towards where the voice came from, and perches himself on the edge of the mattress. He smiles sadly in the dark of the room, unable to see Buck's face, but glad that he's okay. "You weren't answering your phone after yesterday. Is everything okay?"

After yesterday. Their argument. Could it even be considered an argument? It all kind of ended really abruptly before any harsh words were said. Buck had said that he can't help with Christopher, and in return Eddie had called him selfish.

Those were the last words he had spoken to his friend, and hell, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried something had happened to Buck and Eddie calling him selfish was the last conversation they'd had together. But now he knows that Buck is alive and in bed. Not sleeping, but in bed nonetheless.

"It's fine. Please," he starts to beg, pausing in between the words as if unsure he really wants to say them, "leave."

"If you truthfully want me to leave, I will. But Buck, I need your help." Eddie moves away from the edge of the bed into the center, and crosses his legs under his body while blindly looking to where Buck sits. "I told you on the phone that Chris is struggling with the events of the tsunami and you acted like you didn't care."

Eddie hears a small sniffle, but brushes it off as nothing until he reaches over to the nightstand and turns on the lamp. Its soft glow illuminates their features enough for Eddie to see the tear tracks painting their way down Buck's cheeks. His heart shatters, and in an instant he feels terrible for saying Buck didn't care and that he was being selfish. If he could take back every word, he would. But he can't, and as of now, he needs to make it right.

"I'm sorry," Buck cries brokenly. "I'm so sorry." He swipes agrily at his eyes, interrupting the fresh tears.

"Talk to me, Evan." Gently, Eddie reaches out and places his hands one by one over each of Buck's. They stay like that for a moment, grasping one another's hands. Eddie wants to cry with him, feeling the pain radiating off his body, but he knows doing that will not be of any help. Staying strong is what he has to do. For both Buck and Christopher.

"I can't help that beautiful kid. I can't. How can I when I can't even help myself?" It's clearly a rhetorical question, but Eddie replies to it anyway.

"What do you mean by that?"

Then, Buck tells him everything. He mentions that he's been having trouble sleeping, and that nightmares of the water events have been plaguing not only his unconscious mind, but his fully awake one during the days too. Having a shower is hell, because he's right back there, screaming out for Christopher, trying to keep him safe. But in the dreams, he can't. He can't succeed in saving Chris.

"Evs, he's okay, you both are. You hear me? You saved him. You saved yourself, and all those other people. Do you realise how amazing you are to be able to do that while on blood thinners and recovering from multiple medical issues?" Eddie pulls his right hand out from Buck's grip, and he thinks he hears a slight whimper but he can't be too sure.

Cupping Buck's cheek, he looks into his eyes, and surprises himself by planting a quick kiss to his lips. It's over as quickly as it starts, and Eddie internally kicks himself.

"Shit, I didn't mean to do that." Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Oh man, what is is going to do now? He doesn't want Buck to think he's taking advantage of his emotional state. He doesn't want Buck to hate him. "I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you. With the nightmares and panic attacks. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. And I'm sorry for calling you selfish."

"Shhh," Buck whispers, sniffling once more, before he places his forehead on Eddie's. "Tell me what's been happening with the kid."

"Same sorts of things as you, by the sounds. He's been calling out your name a lot in his sleep." Eddie closes his eyes, breathing in how close Buck is.

It's Buck's turn to lean forward this time, and he kisses Eddie's top lip, before moving his mouth to give attention to the bottom one, and then the corner of Eddie's mouth. It's gentle, and it's sweet, and nothing too intense. It's emotional, and it's them.

As if on cue, they hear a small panicky voice call out downstairs. "Buck! Bucky, help!" They pull apart at the sound, and Eddie swiftly jogs down the stairs towards Christopher. 

"Hey, bud, wake up. Come on, Chris." Eddie does everything he can not to burst into tears right on the spot. And when he feels a hand on his shoulder, he relaxes a little bit more.

After his eyes flutter open for a moment, Christopher sighs before quietly saying Buck's name again, and then drifts back to sleep. "My Buck."

"Bring him to bed, I think it'll be good for all of us," Buck whispers from behind Eddie, looking at the sleeping boy over Eddie's shoulder. He places a gentle kiss to Eddie's cheek and steps aside for the other two to head upstairs.

The three of them sleep soundly that night, Christopher in between the two adults as he cuddles up to Buck, like he can sense where he is and who he is with. There's no flashbacks for the rest of the night, but Eddie knows it's going to be a long road. Hopefully therapy helps.


End file.
